"Rocket Boy"-Jets to Brazil
2003-07-01 @ 10:31 a.m.
I'm sorry that I keep posting so many songs by this band, but I just really like this song. I was listening to it just now, and I guess that I've been depressed ever since what happened, and worried at the same time. To have a friend like FiFi betray me and call it a betryal to her just makes me realize how much I shouldn't care. Just when I need her the most, she goes off to lick her own wounds, which isn't what a friend does. I don't care anymore. This song just reminds me of how I've felt most of my life.
I feel like I'm going in a circle with my life, and that I'll never get out of it no matter how much I try. I thought I was getting better over these past few years, but this has just made me realize how unsure I am about my own progress in life. It's weird how one day can make you realize how truly backwards and lost you still are. I feel like my life is ahead of me, but it's still something I don't know. I feel like I'm living on my knees, having to beg people for help and just hoping that someone will come along and try to help me, but never really knowing how long they'll stay. I always feel like I'll have to just sit on my knees for the rest of my life, and beg, because no one seems to stay very long.
I feel like my best friend is sometimes destined to be me, because I just can't find anyone without scaring them in some way. I feel like I can't win in life, but I just keep going and I'll never know why. Maybe just so that someday, I can be accepted for who I am, and someone out there will understand how much I just want to be accepted as another human being, and not as some freak. I just feel like I'm stuck in this place in life, like no matter how hard I try, I can't get out.
I feel like I'm being myself, and then something bad happens, and I find myself alone again. It always happens, that same circle, and every time, I get a little more worn down from the whole experience. I try to hide who I am, try to shut my mouth so that no one will be the wiser, and then I just end up back at square one (I think that might have been where the diary name came from).
This song just makes me think of a person going around in circles in their life. Always having trouble trying to be happy and find their place. Thinking that things will get better as times goes on, but only really going in a circle the whole time. I think it's also about a person who's close to them, forced to watch that person go through a constant circle, when all that person wants is to find their place. I'm sure my Dad probably has had a hard time watching me struggle in life. It's one of the reasons why I feel bad that I'm like this. I don't want to be the girl who lets everyone down, I'm not trying to make false promises, but I feel like I might have. I just feel like this is how my life has been so far, and I can only hope that it doesn't stay like this for good.
"Rocket Boy"-Jets to Brazil
Headlights and red eyes, a warm beer between your thighs.
Mess of pills, Hollywood hills, the red lights.
Read me my rights.
Going in a circle, getting tighter every turn.
Think you're getting better but you're never quite sure.
Say it's all ahead of you.
How far can you see?
When you're living on your knees.
Driver, please, find your feet.
The light's green but you spaced the keys.
You're going fast but it won't last.
You're all speed and no gas.
Going in a circle, never getting to the point.
Burning up the atmosphere, my rocket ship boy.
You say there's a finish line, but you're already beat
'cause you're living on your knees.
Rocket boy, my only son, you look so sad, but you're so young.
You get so high. You're all alone, rocket boy, come home.
Notebook, some notes you took.
A bit hit, with a cooked hook.
Your best friend is you again.
You can't win but you won't give in.
Going in a circle, getting lower every time.
Say it isn't hurting but I never see you smile.
Asking for the doctor and I'm calling you a priest
'cause you're living on your knees.
Rocket boy, you burn so bright,
and I believe you lie so beautifully when you get high.
You're all alone, rocket boy, come home.
Dad, it's me, again. I hate to call.
Could you come down?
There's been an accident.
"Were you involved?"
"Yes, sir, no. Sir, they say I was."
Got home, cried alone.
The video will surely show.
No one knows.
I came this close to being me, but I lost us both.
Going in a circle and it's keeping you around.
You've been here forever but you've never been found.
You didn't want a witness
and I didn't want to see you living on your knees.
Rocket boy.
*Racecar*
The Grape Cloud Chronicles